Put the Screen Down and Walk Away

It has been said a million times before but we live in a world where everything is just a screen tap away.  We can find out information within seconds, we can waste hours due to mindless scrolling and we allow our opinions of ourselves to be formed by comparisons we make of other people’s ‘perfect’ lives.

One thing I love more than anything else is being in the countryside, going for long walks, and simply being in this beautiful world of ours which we are all slowly and surely (or perhaps not so slowly) becoming dis-attached from.  Recently I deleted the Facebook app from my phone to allow myself more storage for my photos and other things and it is one of the best decisions I have made for a very long time. I still have the messenger app so that people can contact me should they need to, but without the app to the main domain I am left free from scrolling and constantly viewing pointless videos that I have been tagged in.  This isn’t to say that I don’t enjoy seeing these things when I check Facebook on my laptop, but I enjoy even more the time I now have that I’m not waisting or spending procrastinating on the app.

It’s nice not knowing about everyones lives every minute of mine. I am able to focus on me and my surroundings more, the friends that are in a physical proximity of closeness to me rather than a virtual one.  The thing that saddens me however is that often I won’t be on my phone but I may as well be as all the people around me are.

This is where I ask you all to really consider listening to the title of this blog post.  Just step away from your screens even just for an hour and do something that you usually wouldn’t have time for.  You’ll be surprised by how alive it leaves you feeling, and hopefully you’ll be surprised by how little you thought about the goings on of your online life.


 

Since writing the above my phone actually broke, or drowned should I say. This unfortunate incident happened over a week ago and I can honestly say the main thing I’ve missed about it is being able to check the time.  I think I may need to invest in a watch.

That’s not to say that I haven’t missed the convenience of having a phone. Being able to communicate with my friends whenever and wherever I want to.  I have missed snapchat, and I have missed being able to upload to instagram, but I have really enjoyed the excuse of not having to reply straight away or not having to rely on my phone. It has been freeing and I would sooner get used to not having all of those apps then I would ever truly need them.

Just something to think about.  I know that phones are great, in particular for people’s safety, having 999 at the touch of a button.  But just think about using it less and enjoying the world more.

 

best wishes from a tiny girl xx

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Put the Screen Down and Walk Away

Ups and Downs

I haven’t posted on here in ages. Admittedly no-one actually reads these blogs at the moment, but that’s not why I write them.  I write them in the hope that they might reach just one singular person and help them feel uplifted, less alone and all round more positive even if it’s just for a moment.  Right now that one person is me.

I came back here thinking about writing something new.  I was thinking of writing because everything that’s going on in my head is difficult, confusing and too tough to speak to another human being about in person.

I am struggling in a way I haven’t in the past.  And looking back on my old posts helped a little bit.  It also made me realise that this feeling has been going on since the New Year began, but that for me wasn’t a bad thing.

I have been feeling strange for a while. I say “not myself” yet I think this feeling has become a part of who I am now.  I have been fluctuating between feeling my usual bubbly self and someone who has no motivation or drive.  Ups and downs.  It’s difficult because the bad seems to outweigh the good.  When I feel down it is all consuming. I feel tired, I feel stressed and I feel as if everything I do, I do wrong, or badly or not as well as someone else could have done.  I have been doubting myself so much more than I usually would and that has been difficult for me.  But what I have come to realise is that it’s not about the downs, it is 100% about the ups. About the keeping on keeping ons. About the perseverance and the ability to tell yourself you’re worth it despite not necessarily believing it.

Life is tough no matter who you are. Everyone has their issues and as we get older we gain more responsibility. We feel the consequences of our actions and most importantly we truly create our own happiness.

I don’t know if this will be a forever part of my life now, but I know that I’m proud of myself that even in the downs I have the ability to keep going.

best wishes from a tiny girl xx

 

 

 

 

Ups and Downs

How Can You Tell The Truth From A Lie?

How can you tell the truth from a lie when he claims “I think of her like a sister” then replaces you with her.

How can you tell the truth from a lie when he says “I went home alone” but really he took her with him.

How can you tell the truth from a lie when he says “you’re irreplaceable” and then hooks up with two different girls the moment you go your separate ways.

How can you tell the truth from a lie when he tells you “I love you” and then breaks your heart.

There’s so many times when you believe someone and it turns out they’re lying, or maybe in the moment it was true and then things changed.  Trust is a difficult thing to bring back once it’s lost; no matter who made you lose it, it’s difficult to give it back to anyone once it’s gone.  I try and believe what people say and sometimes my gut feeling tells me not to but other times it doesn’t and I get hurt. But to not let yourself love again because of those people, that’s the saddest thing in the world. I haven’t found the guy who regains my trust yet but I believe that oneday I will and I’ll know that I have when he’s still by my side no matter what. 

Sometimes you can’t tell the truth from a lie but what a beautiful thing it would be to finally never have to question it. 

Don’t hate the people that betray your trust, try and look at it from their point of view. Or pity them that they didn’t have the courage to be honest.  I truly believe honesty is key.

best wishes from a tiny girl xx 

How Can You Tell The Truth From A Lie?

Breathe 

Recently I haven’t been feeling quite myself. I have been finding it difficult to stay positive in the way that I usually do and I am yet to have felt the “new year, new me” motivations kicking in.

I found today that going for a walk on a crisp, sunny day really helped me feel a new love for life and it made me aware that maybe what I need to do is spend less time dwelling on the worries in my head and more times appreciating my surroundings. I have said many times before that it’s nice to stop and look at nature and to try not to over think too much. I suppose I need to listen to my own advice right now.

I thought I’d share a photo of one of the beautiful views I was lucky enough to witness on my walk as a way of hopefully inspiring some of you to go out and have some me time aswell.

Remember that you can set new goals and dreams for yourself any time of the year so if your new year didn’t start with a bang set one off later on when you’re ready! 

best wishes from a tiny girl xx 

Breathe 

Have Faith, Be Kind

Sometimes it can be really difficult to trust in something or someone when everything you hear counteracts everything you’ve been told or believed up until that point.

Moving away from where I call home has been difficult on many levels, but especially when trying to stay in contact with my friends. Most of my friends are currently at University themselves which means that the most we really get to see of each other is during the holidays.  It is difficult to keep up the same level of friendship as we don’t speak to each other at all as frequently as we once did.  When I see my friends in person everything feels the same; as if no time has passed.  But occasionally you hear things that may have been blown out of proportion and find yourself questioning whether your friends are as trustworthy as you thought or whether they’re as loyal as they once were.  The difficulty with situations like this is that they actually test your own trust and faith in your friends.  Can you still believe the best of your friends as you once would have done.

I spent an evening at a party where I was hearing rumours about one of my best friends and a guy I used to be dating.  I was certain that she would never go behind my back, knowing it would upset me. I was also sure that if anything was happening with her and the guy that she would have told me. I still found myself doubting the situation however as it was rather humiliating to sit through, and stirred up unwanted emotions from the past. This made me feel guilty as I started to think unkind thoughts about my friends in the heat of the moment, simply because of the niggling rumours other people had forced into my head.  How could all my other friends be so certain that something was going on between them, could it really all be based on lies?

In the end I decided to ask her, I felt bad that I even felt the need to, but equally I thought she ought to be aware of what people were saying about her behind her back.  Immediately I knew she wouldn’t lie to me.  That despite the distance that is now so often separating us our friendship will always remain true, and that the doubts I had were mostly due to the untrustworthy nature of the guy they were about, rather than my friend.  It didn’t stop me from feeling guilty about having a momentary lapse of faith in her friendship though, especially as I had voiced some of my concerns to another friend of ours.  We both apologised to each other, her for perhaps allowing the guy to start up rumours like that and me for doubting her friendship in the first place. And I was quick to inform the friend in which I had confided that I was now sure there was no need for me to worry.

My reasoning for writing this blog post is not to carry on the gossip which I had felt so guilty about believing in the first place, but was instead to make the point that sometimes it is best to have faith and be kind.  I could have kept my worries to myself and spoken to my friend straight away to hear the truth from her but instead, while I was embarrassed and hurt I chose to voice my opinions, which as I have said, I came to regret.  There is a line in the latest film adaptation of Cinderella where the mother says to the young Ella, “Have courage and be kind.” I think that even when our emotions are at their least controllable we should still attempt to control them.  To believe in goodness. To be less sceptical.  Friendship is built on trust; I let myself believe that because I saw my friend less frequently that she would stop being the trust worthy person that I knew.  I was wrong, and I feel very embarrassed by that.  In the future I will choose to have more faith in people, and think kinder thoughts.  At least wait until you have proof on why your opinions should be changed.  People thrive on gossip, but don’t let their petty pleasures ruin your friendships.

best wishes from a tiny girl xx

Have Faith, Be Kind

Doom of the Day

A day or two ago my parents and I were discussing the news. Not so much what had recently happened in the world, but more the theme of the content that is provided for us, as a society, to watch, read and listen to on a daily basis.  It’s not hard to notice that the vast majority, if not all of the news we are burdened with is bad, sad or downright depressing.  There are rarely ever stories of people who have done or achieved wonderful things. And when there are they are suffocated, engulfed and brought down by all of the horror going on elsewhere in the world. 

I find it difficult to understand why we a purely given horrible news to watch, and wonder who decides what news is the best news for the population to see? Obviously it is important for us to know about the things that go on in the world, even if they’re not things you would necessarily choose to hear about BUT it is unrealistic and soul destroying to put all of that bad news in front of us without a single ounce of hope.  The NEWS should be good for the human population, it should give us a boost, add to our sense of moral. Not force out any faith we may have left in the human race.

When discussing it with my parents my mum came up with the idea of a spoof news, “Doom of the Day” because it is a more accurate title for what we are shown. My dad believes that for every negative and upsetting news story there should be two positive ones. I completely agree and think the world would be a better place if there was.

As the new year has begun I think it would be a good idea to think if good things that have happened in our own lives every day as a way of finding some form of positivity. And make your own food news, doing a good deed everyday, no matter how big or small will help the world become a better one. 

best wishes from a tiny girl xx 

Doom of the Day

Feeling Lost.

I had my final hand in of the term last Friday; my Christmas holidays have begun, yet I find myself fluctuating between feeling extremely excited for my favourite time of the year and a bit miserable for reasons I can’t actually find an answer to.

I’m really happy with how my first term of second year went at uni. I am slightly worried that despite feeling as if I worked really hard and being pleased with my work that I still won’t have done enough. I know I have lots of room to improve and I also know that I have come really far already so whatever the outcome I should be pleased and be grateful that I can learn from it. I can’t help feeling a little frustrated with myself though as I do feel as if I ran out of steam a bit with my last project simply due to being exhausted from the rest of the term. I’m now half way through my degree which is scary but exciting all the same. 

Since being on holiday I managed to see a few of my friends from school for a day, but have been staying in the place my parents have moved to since. By the end of the summer here I felt incredible lonely and found myself in a routine with not much in it which lead to boredom, fatigue and an overall dull, numb, cloudy sensation which felt almost as if it was living in my brain.  I began to feel this way again almost as soon as I returned here.  At first it was nice to rest but now I’m feeling a lack of purpose here. All my worries and anxieties seem to surface to the forefront of my thoughts here and I can’t help but feel as if I am in a void of not belonging, loneliness and the simple feeling of being lost.
It’s not the I haven’t been happy to be back with my parents but even that hasn’t felt the same. I feel as if I am a constant nuisance; they have noticed my mood is different from the usual lively bubbly one that I normally come with, however they’re not asking why it’s changed or where it’s gone. This makes me sad as I know they just think I’m being grumpy, and to be honest even if they did ask I wouldn’t be able to give them an answer.

I’m hoping this will stop, that it’s happening due to hormones that will pass, or because I’m still adjusting to an unfamiliar place, but deep down I feel as if this is a new me that is emerging from within. One that is more insecure, that finds it hard to push down the negativity and instead allows it to show on the surface. One that will push their friends away due to ridiculous jealousies, or who will pull away from their parents when they offer me their hand.

I don’t know what’s happening. I think I need to sort my thoughts, my ambitions and my personality or else this could get worse.

Here’s to hoping the new year is brighter than the end of this one. 

best wishes from a tiny girl xx  

Feeling Lost.