I haven’t posted on here in ages. Admittedly no-one actually reads these blogs at the moment, but that’s not why I write them. I write them in the hope that they might reach just one singular person and help them feel uplifted, less alone and all round more positive even if it’s just for a moment. Right now that one person is me.
I came back here thinking about writing something new. I was thinking of writing because everything that’s going on in my head is difficult, confusing and too tough to speak to another human being about in person.
I am struggling in a way I haven’t in the past. And looking back on my old posts helped a little bit. It also made me realise that this feeling has been going on since the New Year began, but that for me wasn’t a bad thing.
I have been feeling strange for a while. I say “not myself” yet I think this feeling has become a part of who I am now. I have been fluctuating between feeling my usual bubbly self and someone who has no motivation or drive. Ups and downs. It’s difficult because the bad seems to outweigh the good. When I feel down it is all consuming. I feel tired, I feel stressed and I feel as if everything I do, I do wrong, or badly or not as well as someone else could have done. I have been doubting myself so much more than I usually would and that has been difficult for me. But what I have come to realise is that it’s not about the downs, it is 100% about the ups. About the keeping on keeping ons. About the perseverance and the ability to tell yourself you’re worth it despite not necessarily believing it.
Life is tough no matter who you are. Everyone has their issues and as we get older we gain more responsibility. We feel the consequences of our actions and most importantly we truly create our own happiness.
I don’t know if this will be a forever part of my life now, but I know that I’m proud of myself that even in the downs I have the ability to keep going.
best wishes from a tiny girl xx
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